Room 101 – The Obscene is the Root of Pleasure – ( per un breve periodo sarà possibile scaricare gratuitamente “Camera 101 – l’osceno è la radice del piacere” al seguente link : http://crueleros.altervista.org/ nell’home page, in basso a sinistra.)
With icy determination, seeking the ecstasy of the senses through its glossy brutality, convinced that the sublime pleasure that is ruthless, in which the exercise of their malice is made entirely possible and fully available.
Recognizes its essence drenched sadism, the only possible enlargement for her, and the exercise of his cruelty, the only way to achieve a sublime enjoyment. He builds his moral ethics, in which there is no place for human compassion and justice, arrogating to itself all rights, in order to justify and get what she want.
Names have been changed in order to maintain anonymity, but the characters and events of this story are real.
Bringing a fantasy to life, or not, is linked to the same weakness which marks a religious man.
«The need to give shape and tangibility in order to believe»
At times we are free from this weakness and we are able to live our lives in a completely realistic way, just as we want to and the limits of reality become unstable and depend on the power of our minds.
Decisive, ruthless, unrelenting and we feel the tremble of pleasure as physicality plays an equal part.
Nature, imagination and violence as instruments of freedom against which reason imposes constraints and, in its way, mutilates «demanding rules and order»
The only ethic which survives the death of reason can be nothing but the ethic of pleasure.
The only ethic which survives reason that is driven to its extreme consequences is pleasure itself.
Give me your hand, hold on tight and don’t let go in this journey which drifts backwards.
We will journey through sensations and illusions, moments when life resembles fireworks and you feel as if you were in paradise while sinking into hell.
Come closer then and put your lips on mine, close your eyes. Let my breath enter your lungs so that it will be my oxygen only that keeps you alive and slowly you will feel lost as if I had breathed a poison into you. No going back.
Both a drug and an illusion.
On the patio of the small hotel surrounded by trees, at the edge of the woods I waited for her.
She should have been there at nine o’clock but she was late.
In my mind I went over everything during the previous month and a half that had led us up to that place.
Messages, e-mails and our long encounters on the web which lasted entire nights at times’ had arrived the night before after a seven-hour journey, stopping only for petrol and after leaving the motorway I had driven up to high altitudes and then down again along hairpin turns among almost virgin landscapes of luxuriant green.
Mephisto was the name of the hotel I had booked.
That name recalled some thin predestined a sort of premonition in my choice which was forced since I hadn’t found anything else nearby. Mephisto, Mephistopheles, almost a sign of fate.
Faust and the devil, but which of us was Mephistopheles and who Faust?
Or were we both demons? Probably!
The soul and the body, sold.
I felt, I knew, that I had arrived there like Faust to sell my soul and body… but to whom? And in exchange for what?
But I was sure and fully aware that I had been the one who had awakened the devil which slumbered inside her, though I didn’t know how much she was in the grip of the new desires which attracted her towards our encounter.
I felt excited, but at the same time afraid of what could happen now that we were about to enter the eye of the storm from which escape would have been impossible for us.
Everything had been planned and we both knew that what we wanted wasn’t just a game.
During the time before that encounter I had shown a perverse seed inside her which had sprouted rapidly in that fertile soil of hers, growing luxuriant and strong like a giant weed.
It had erased every scruple and sympathy in her and the only grain which germinated in the sun of our intermingled fiery thoughts was the colour of blood in that hot summer.
I’d had the room in which I’d slept the night before changed to a fresher and more spacious one without any problems as during those days I had been almost the only guest in the hotel. This unnerving wait, combined with the thoughts which chased each other in my mind, made me feel restless.
I called her on her mobile to ask her why she was late, but she reacted irritably.
– I’ve had some problems, but if you’re fed up and tired I can turn round and go back: it’s all the same to me.
I knew she was in a huff and it was just an empty threat; that she wouldn’t have given up on meeting me because, like me, she’d waited too long with yearning and desire for our encounter.
I felt a surge of irritation and I was tempted to tell her, «does what you want», but the desire to have her there with me was great and I wouldn’t have given up so easily on meeting her.
I smoked more cigarettes with growing impatience.
It was hot. Out of the patio’s cone of shade the sun was blinding, just like the thoughts that were dancing in my mind.
Words – lots of them – had created a new, undiscovered world which we were about to sink into.
Her words echoed through my mind with their charge of sensuality combined with a hint of madness and the unexpected.
I read through some of her countless messages on the mobile phone to kill time.
– I’m simply very aware of my limits, what I’m capable of and what I can do if I want to and I know I can create dependency. You don’t often meet a woman like me during a lifetime.
– It’s not because of what I do, but because of the thought which enters, penetrates like air, that there are no boundaries, no limits.
She had written to me, and I had asked her:
– Do you still wake up every morning for pleasure?
– Yes, it’s always on my mind, but now you are my pleasure, and it’s become something tangible.
I was feeling anxious and hesitant and I didn’t know how to behave and what to say to her.
I was living new emotions which had long been cultivated between us but I didn’t know how my feelings, or hers, would have changed after we had met.
I was vaguely afraid that everything would be difficult and that I would feel uneasy.
I couldn’t stand sitting there at the table and kept getting up to wander round in the small garden already illuminated by a scorching sun.
So many things had been said between us during that month and a half in which we spent about four hours each night chatting on the web.
I had spent many sleepless nights at the computer talking to her, especially when I was in Iran, and due to the time zone we finished talking when my breakfast was already on the table and the two engineers who lived with me in the same villa kept hurrying me up with suspicious looks on their faces, because they had seen me spend all night on the web.
The adrenalin she had put in my bloodstream kept me awake during the day but at times I noticed a slight shake in my hands due to tiredness, which was quelled by an excited nervous system.
I had always fantasized about and desired a woman like her, utterly perverse, but I had never encountered one and by now I thought that fate would never have given me this chance, but suddenly there she was in my life. She thirsted for pleasure without scruples, cruel and anxious to experience the pleasure which comes from torment, but she said she was able to love.
– Love and pleasure are split inside me.
She had said this to me several times when I told her she couldn’t love me and at the same time desired my agony as fuel for her pleasure.
She had come to the point where she imagined that the most sublime delight was to be found in torturing and killing the man she loved. She said she loved me to the end of her last breath and those thoughts which I considered to be abstract nevertheless set off a subtle alarm bell in my mind.
I went on reading other messages of hers which had woven the fabric of emotions which had led me to this point.
– I’m always there for you; the light of my eyes is now yours.
– A thousand words, a thousand thoughts couldn’t describe the way I feel about you.
– How wonderful to have something worth living for.
– I want to tell you that I love you to the end of my last breath.
– There can be no life without you.
– You are part of me, terribly, frantically, you fill me, my thoughts, my desires, always, you are the source of unlimited excitement, and I adore you.
– You are always there like a hammer in my desires, like a whip in my thoughts; everything is linked to you and takes me back to you, always.
– Robert I’m already home, I’ll try to wait up for you, I want to ride you so badly and take your breath away, you are in me, inside me.
– I’m under the shower excited at the thought of you, I want you here to caress me, massage me, and penetrate me intensely, deeply, with no pity.
– You are there like a rush in my brain, a fire in my head, a snake in my vagina which you claw, you fill, you satisfy.
– I think you are neither gentle nor accommodating, you are complicated and mine, I possess you.
– You must be free to choose, I feel you are mine and I’m not playing, I’m not joking, I feel you are part of me.
– You are my only purpose, my revenge, my world.
– You ask me if I’ve changed, yes I feel like another woman, maybe you or maybe me, we are destined to be together.
– I’m breathless, my skin shivers, arrange something and we’ll meet next week.
– My love, I want to inflict you with millions of tortures but I couldn’t kill you, because I truly love you, I want to be with you, I’m excited and tremble with desire.
– Not entirely, I want to watch you suffer so I can have you completely, see the terror in your eyes, everything is love, and I can do anything I want with you.
– Nothing is replaced by nothing.
– Love, our love, is absolute, passionate and ruthless.
– Don’t define it; we only have to live it.
– I don’t feel like this, I am like this, the point is that you still don’t understand that I can do what I want either with you or to you, I possess you and you don’t know it.
– The everlasting love I have searched for and finally found is about to be experienced.
– I’m electrified, and you can’t imagine how much.
– Of course I’ll be there my love, I love you, my heart beats fast, and this waiting unnerves me.
– I don’t want to kill you but my pleasure is too much and I can’t control it, I feel as if I’m possessed by my senses, they, and only they, rule over me, always and only my senses.
I thought again about how pleasure and its source had transformed inside her, quite rapidly, instigated by my words, and about how her fantasies could assume such a sadistic nature, capable of provoking extreme consequences.
I recalled the sadistic scenes she had described to me which had nothing to do with simple games, but were intensely depraved and had no limits.
Other messages mingled in my mind with the sweet ones she had sent me.
– It’s a great day. I woke up thinking of you and feel excited.
– And you know, by now I can’t imagine pleasure unless it’s like this, in this form.
– I’m not able to conceive it only as passion.
– You don’t need to be afraid. I won’t kill you.
– I want to be with you, only with you. I don’t want anything else, I want to be with you, and you are my absolute pleasure.
– I desire you and want to tear you to pieces, wear you out.
– There won’t be any barriers between us when we meet, you can do anything you like with me, with no boundaries and we’ll be together with no limits so that all your fantasies will be satisfied.
I felt a little uneasy because she had several times intimated that if I refused to do as she wanted, her reactions might become fatal and to see me dead on the floor would be no problem for her or cause her regret of any kind.
I had asked her.
– If you saw me with another woman what would you do?
– I would kill you without a second thought.
– What about if I refused to do what you ask me to.
– The reality is, Robert that you can’t refuse to do what I want.
– If it wasn’t for the noise you would make while in pain, I would even leave your mouth open with a knife through your tongue.
– If you carry on complaining, I’ll cut your vocal cords.
– Then you can complain as much as you like.
– Nobody will hear you.
– And I’d get even angrier.
– Trouble is: I don’t really know where the vocal cords are or what they look like.
– So I’d have to make quite a few cuts.
– I’d go by trial and error.
– Robert, remembers that anger increases my excitement and pleasure.
I asked myself where reality started and where the exaggeration of her words stopped, however a slight discomfort twisted inside me.